Journal

Bravery

I'm so happy to introduce the visuals for my single 'You're Beautiful', filmed by the phenomenally talented and effervescent The Rawkus.

I decided a while back that in keeping with the 'No Fear Here' theme of this record, I wanted to make as many brave decision with regards to this music as possible.

The decision for this video was a small and simple one, but brave and significant to me.  To strip off my cosmetic mask, commit the process to celluliod and send it out into the world wide web.

You see I never really face the world without the mask on.  At least a little bit of mascara and concealer and I'm good.  The world doesn't need to see the hideous mess I am without these cosmetic crutches of mine.  

And you don't even need to say it.  I know this is a lie.  No-one needs to be anything other than themselves, full face or makeup free.  

So this video, simple as it is, is me staring this little lie in the face and saying, 'I don't believe you anymore'.

How many lies are you knowingly living with?  If this video both entertains you and brings you a step closer to answering this question, then mission accomplished.

much love

bee x

 

On the other side of it all

image.jpg

After a week of household sicknesses, sleepless nights, and the general requirement to press through a lot of drudgery when all I really wanted to do was sleep through it.

After not really liking the me I am when I'm covered in the stuff of life and perseverance, I finally find myself on the other side.  However long it takes, the other side usually comes right?

And this morning, on this side of it all, when I'm feeling spent but thankful, I hear the Voice in my heart whisper, 'I love you. I love the you you are when no one else is around. The gritted teeth you.  The you who left all performance in the dust because there was no space left for it in hands filled with the paraphernalia of Life'.

 

Perhaps you need to hear it too. If so here's something that's true every single day whether you feel it or not:

You are Beautiful.

byoo-tuh-fuh l]

1. having beauty; possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc; delighting the senses or mind.

2. excellent of its kind.

 

xxx

Photography: Cat Lane

One Day.

I Know Who Holds Tomorrow, written by Ira Stanphill.  Today's inspiration performed by me little over a year before Ava was born.

One day I'll leave my phone at home.  I'll buy my favourite snacks and spend a Saturday at the park, laying in the sunshine, reading the latest Jeffery Archer trilogy or Francine Rivers tear-jerker; taking frequent breaks to create back stories for passers-by whilst loosing myself in a clear blue sky.

One day husby and I will re-live that time before the girls arrived when we spent approximately nine hours in bed, eating bad food and watching The Lord of the Rings extended version back to back with no breaks. 

One day I'll pass up the opportunity to juggle, and just do one thing at a time.

One day (soon) I'll pick up my guitar and have the space mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually to collect my thoughts and feelings into song.  

One day I'll wake up naturally, begin to start my standardly hectic day, only to realise I actually have nothing to do.  Nothing. At. All.  Then I'll roll over and wake up next week.  

One day I'll sit and stare at a wall.  Just because I can.

bianca rose.jpg

Until then I'll commit to memory the sound of a two year old tearing through the house at speed whilst screaming "The mummies on the bus go chatter, chatter, chatter aaaallllll daaaaay looooonnnnng...", at the top of her lungs, because one day every room in our house will be mostly silent and I'll both love it and hate it in equal measure.  

Until then I'll snuggle with the girls and watch Frozen for the fiftieth time, ignoring the throw-up on my t-shirt, and the fact that I haven't had time to shower since yesterday. Until then I'll be thankful I've learnt that I can actually function on 3-5 hours of sleep, and that it is possible to leave the house without a stitch of makeup on because it really isn't that big a deal.  Until then I'll hold on to the truth that despite the contrarion in my head telling me otherwise, I can keep loving when it seems I'm all out of the good stuff.  

Until then I'll keep joyfully immersing myself into this wife and mummy life, knowing I am all of this and so much more.

One Day I'll have more 'me' time than I can stand.

Until then I'll fully live the season I'm in, moving with its rhythm, and having ears open to it's lessons.  Because after all I am that chick that did once write: 'Tomorrow's not promised but I'm glad I have today'. 

xx 



Boxhill, Kites, Snuggles & Creativity.

Currently listening to this jam: 

 
 

I can't believe we've lived a 35 minute drive from Boxhill National Trust for five years, and we've only just visited this place. 

What a gorgeous, serene space, and the View Point very much lives up to the hype.  

The kite Kenny insisted I buy Ava ages ago, finally had a chance to kiss the skies, and he threw himself into his father-daughter kite flying lesson with such gusto that I got the funny feeling this flighty purchase was more for him than her.  I enjoyed snuggles in the sun with our not so new newborn, drinking in the stunning views and the crisp fresh air.

Lately I've been working hard to retain the things that help me to feel like me.  Not Bianca the daughter, wife or mother, but just the me I know when I look in the mirror.  It's been hard to feel like that person when you are so many other things to other people most of the time, but I've been seeing that the time I need to remember isn't so much about quantity but quality.  What I mean is that I've found that a few moments a day, or a week outside of my usual routines are enough to remind me of who I am when my various roles are stripped away.  A soak in an Epsom salts bath with a devotional or book, colouring in my adult colouring book, or catching up on my favourite shows, are great me moments.  But the thing that has been like OXYGEN in this season, is any and every opportunity to create.  This month has been so fun to create a couple websites for creatives around me, and I'm in the midst of creative director duties for a couple of fashion labels I'm working with.  Also been dreaming up a few goodies surrounding the album release, and just letting the imagination run wild...fun fun fun!

 

I ADORE my little family, and the life Hubs and I are building.  Ava is at the funniest age, where she says the cutest things at the best times; I just love the way she says words incorrectly...it'll be a sad day when she looses her toddler speak.  And Liora at five months, is at the age I just love the most!  Where her favourite thing is snuggles and when everything mummy says and does is sooooo hilarious!  

I just love them so very much, but it really makes life sweeter when I get to step away from time to time to relax and unwind.  It's even more thrilling when, on occasion I get to say yes to my deepest, most sacred desire...the desire to create.

xx